It's Written In Stone

It's been eight months since we lost Glenn.  He has been gone longer than he was sick. Both seemed like an eternity and a blink of an eye all at once. While we are all trying to adjust to a new life, a life without Glenn, we have discovered one thing: life does go on.

This doesn't mean that Glenn has been forgotten--in fact, it's just the opposite. We are constantly surrounded by memories--things that will always remind us of Glenn and what an important and special part of our lives he is.  Sometimes those memories sneak up on us and are so overwhelming that it feels like our hearts are breaking all over again. We are still grateful for them, as painful as they are, because we never want to forget him.  We talk about Glenn often and we can feel him near us, especially when we are all together.  He continues to look out for us in so many ways.  I am so grateful for the special man that he is and for the love and joy that he still brings to our family. I don't think we will ever stop missing him, or that the hole he left in our hearts will ever be healed.  The pain has become more bearable and we are each learning how to move forward as best as we can. That's what Glenn wanted. He didn't want us to stop living, and he encouraged us to live a full life. He was a wonderful man that always wanted those around him to be happy.  And so, sometimes with heavy hearts, our lives go on.

This blog was started when Glenn was diagnosed as a way to keep everyone updated and informed. We wanted it to be about Glenn and, ultimately, the progress he was making. It was difficult to know what to do when things didn't end up the way we had hoped. The day the headstone was delivered was one of the toughest days yet. As I arrived at the cemetery and came around the curve in the road, I could see the gap had been filled in. After months and months of waiting, it was finally in place. It was a gut-wrenching, and yet at the same time, a comforting feeling to see the stone there.  I was overcome again by the finality. Somehow a big rock with an end date on it brings you to that reality. The reality of the finality. The reality is Glenn is gone. He will never be forgotten. He lived his life with compassion and tolerance. It's a legacy he has passed on to each of us and we will continue to strive for as we keep him in our hearts and live lives he would be proud of. He has blessed us for generations and we will always be so grateful to have had him in our lives. We love you Glenn!


"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.  They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."  --Washington Irving

They are much too young. All five of them are too young to have to go through this.
Saying goodbye is so hard. Having each other to lean on means everything.
As Glenn always said, "Family isn't about blood."
We are family.

JJ kisses Grampa goodbye while Addison cries on Uncle Brennan's shoulder.
We miss you so much Grampa Glenn.
You are our sunshine.

Glenn hand-picked the men that would stand by him at the end. Thank you to his sons, Jared and Brennan, his nephews Ty, Chad, and Cody, and his friend, Dave. He also loved the BMW casket.

Glenn's wedding ring had the Hebrew inscription of:
"I am my Beloved's, and my Beloved is mine."

When our new house was built, Glenn took the day off to be home when the concrete patio was poured.
I came home to the heart with our initials carved in the patio. The monument company was able to do a duplicate of the
actual heart in his handwriting. Seeing it both times made me cry.

The reality of the finality is written in stone.
We love you Glenn!

Daylight

Glenn always told me there are no coincidences.

A few weeks after Glenn was diagnosed, the song Daylight by Maroon 5 was released. We both loved it immediately. Many, many times we would hear it in the car as we drove to or from the Cancer Center for his treatments. We would sing the chorus as loud as we could--neither one of us being singers--but the "Oh-woah, oh-woah" seemed to make us both smile every time.

I had no idea at the time the impact the song would continue to have in my life.

Glenn had been drifting in between this world and the next for several days. It seemed like every time I turned on the stereo, this song would play. On Saturday afternoon, Glenn woke up and saw Brennan and Jared standing by his bed. His exuberant "Hey guys!" took us all by surprise. They asked him if there was anything they could do for him. He said, "Some potstickers would sure be nice!" We all looked at each other startled! He then saw me and reached for my hand. He said, "And you, I love you more than anything in this world. I don't want to leave you." We held each other so close until he drifted back to sleep. He never woke again and he passed away several hours later. As he left our home for the last time, the sun was coming up and the daylight shone through the front door as we said goodbye. I stood there knowing I was on my own.

The song continues to play at times in my life when I need to know he is there, and the "Oh-woah, Oh-woah" always makes me smile.

Daylight

Here I am waiting, I’ll have to leave soon
Why am I, holding on?
We knew this day would come, we knew it all along
How did it, come so fast?
This is our last night but it’s late
And I’m trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But tonight I’m gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting back the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down
This is way too hard, cause I know
When the sun comes up, I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memory

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But tonight I’m gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah

I never wanted to stop because I don’t wanna be stuck alone babe, stuck alone babe
I was afraid of the dark but now it’s all that I want, all that I want, all that I want

And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But tonight I’m gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
And when the daylight comes I’ll have to go
But tonight I’m gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we’ll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah, oh-woah, oh-woah
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah)
Oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah (yeah), oh-woah!

4 months ago.....

It's been four months ago today that I lost the love of my life. It seems like a lifetime ago, and like yesterday at the same time. It is still just so hard to believe that he is gone. I'm surprised at the things that are comforting, and at those that are so much more painful than I would have dreamed. The grief comes in waves; sometimes rippling, and at other times, crashing.

I'm so grateful to have our amazing kids in my life. They have been there for Glenn and for me since Day 1, and they continue to be my strength and my joy. I'm also thankful for all of you that have provided so much love and support. Glenn always said, "Family isn't about blood." Thank you for being family and for being by our side throughout this journey. Some days the pain of missing him is unbearable. I feel blessed for having had something and someone that makes saying goodbye so hard. Having him to love was such a gift. His legacy continues on. I love him and miss him so much every day.

Go Grey in May!

Go Grey in May!

It's been 1 month today since I lost the Love of My Life to this horrible cancer. This picture made me smile because Glenn loved Betty Boop. He would be happy to know she was advocating for Brain Tumor Awareness. 

I had thought about passing out grey ribbons at Glenn's funeral service, or finding a way to make more of a statement about how more needs to be done to find a cure. I was reluctant to because I wanted to honor Glenn by the way he LIVED and the wonderful man that he was, not by the horrific disease that took him from me.

But more does need to be done. May is Brain Tumor Awareness month. During the past seven months since Glenn was diagnosed, I've met too many women that have had the same short journey watching their husbands die. A cure does need to be found. In 40 years, the survival rate has only increased by a few months. Glioblastoma multiforme is the most aggressive brain tumor. As the doctor told us at diagnosis, "survival will be virtually impossible." It's not that he didn't have hope, or that we ever gave up hope, it just is what it is.

In honor of Glenn, I'm encouraging all family and friends to Wear Grey in May, and specifically on May 22nd, Brain Cancer Awareness Day and the 100th Birthday of the American Cancer Society. Go grey in May!

I miss you so much Babe! It's still just....One day at a time.

Linda

Thank You

Now that all of the family has left, and we have had a chance to say our goodbyes- both to Glenn and to each other- there has been time to reflect. Although it was one of the saddest days I've ever experienced, Saturday was also a day of family, remembrance, and peace. In short, it was a day of Glenn. There are so many people our family wishes to thank. The first are the wonderful hospice team that were there for Mom and Glenn and who helped guide them down a very difficult and uncertain path. Not only were they there with Glenn until the end, they all attended the funeral service, once again providing us comfort at a difficult time. Thank you Steve, Cynthia, and Connie for being so caring, comforting, and supportive. Also, we want to thank the wonderful staff at Alden-Waggoner Funeral Chapel, especially Nate. He made a very difficult day a little easier by anticipating our needs and always going the extra mile. We were very impressed by the respect and kindness that was shown and I can't imagine things going any better. Thank you. Finally, we want to thank all of the wonderful friends and family who made the effort to attend the service. Some of you went to great lengths and traveled great distances to be there, and we are truly grateful and humbled by your love for Glenn. He was a really great guy, and I think that is evident in not only the quantity of his friends, but also in the quality of his relationship with each of you. I'm sure he was a little disappointed to have all of you in one room, yet unable to visit with anyone! So, thank you again for being such an important part of his life, and for making him important to you as well. I know he "deeply appreciated" it. It is said that time heals all wounds, and I am hoping this is true. Right now there is such a hole left in our hearts, especially Mom's, that seems too vast to ever be filled. I know we will never stop missing him or stop loving him, and that some days will be harder than others, but we will just take them as we have been- one day at a time.

Services have been scheduled

Obituary from the Idaho Statesman 4/18/13 Glenn A. Haar 1957 - 2013 Glenn Albert Haar left this life far too soon on Sunday, April 14, 2013. He was diagnosed 6 months ago with a brain tumor and he fought this battle the same as he had lived; with valiant determination, dignity, and self-less love for others. He was 56. He was born March 16, 1957 in Gettysburg, South Dakota, to Milton and Irene Haar, the youngest of five children. At the age of 5, he moved to Triumph, Idaho. He attended schools in the Hailey/Ketchum area, graduating from Wood River High School in 1975. He attended Boise State University, majoring in Business Administration Information Sciences, graduating in 3 ½ years in the Honors Program. During his studies, he began an internship program with the State of Idaho. Upon graduation he was offered employment with the State Auditor's Office. He served 35 years as a dedicated employee for the State of Idaho, the last 31 years being with the State Tax Commission. Glenn loved his work and enjoyed the people he worked with. He was a true professional and had a strong work ethic. In 1999, Glenn married the love of his life and his best friend, Linda Rasmussen, and became dad to Lindsay, Jared, and Brennan. As part of his marriage vows he promised them that he would love them as if they were his own children. And he did. His greatest joy however came later when he became Grampa to Jonas and Addison. Nothing made him happier than having them in his life. Glenn was an amazing, peaceful warrior. He had such a profound effect on everyone he touched. His life values were compassion and tolerance, and he taught them by the example he lived his life. He was kind to everyone he met and was loved by all. He will truly be missed by everyone who knew him. He loved cars, computers, and conversations. He loved to laugh and had a great sense of humor. Glenn was a life-long learner and a voracious reader. He loved to travel whether it was throughout Idaho, the United States, or foreign countries. He loved people, but most of all, he loved his family. He is survived by his loving wife, Linda Haar, his children, Lindsay (Jared) Stanger, State College, PA, Jared (Jamie) Waters, and Brennan Waters, all of Portland. He also leaves behind his precious grandchildren, Jonas and Addison Stanger and their soon to be born baby brother. Also surviving Glenn are his siblings, Gaylon (Beckie) Haar, Houston, TX, Gary (Peggy) Haar, Boise, Shirley (Frank) Teuscher, Challis, ID, Sharon Williams, Hailey, his beloved brother, Mike Williams, Caldwell, and also his parents-in-law, Gary and Carma Rasmussen, Mapleton, UT, whom loved him as their own son, as well as numerous nieces and nephews. Funeral services will be Saturday, April 20th, 2013 at Alden Waggoner Funeral Chapel in Boise, ID. A viewing will be held from 11:00-12:45 and the service at 1:00 p.m. Family and friends are invited to attend. Burial will be at Dry Creek Cemetery with a luncheon to follow at the LDS Chapel at 2650 S Five Mile Road.

In Our Hearts Forever

Today I lost the love of my life, my sweetheart, and my best friend.

After a 6 month 6 day battle with Glioblastoma Multiforme brain cancer, Glenn Haar peacefully passed away early this morning. Throughout this battle he fought the same as he had lived; with valiant determination, dignity, and self-less love for others. He was loved by all who knew him and our hearts are broken. His life values were compassion and tolerance and he lived them by his daily actions. May we all honor this great man by following his example as we continue with our own lives. He was a peaceful warrior and we will hold him in our hearts forever.

We love you Glenn!